January 6, 2021
What are the perception of truth and the behaviors attached to living by the truth?
In my opinion, the truth has different aspects and phases, and it evolves with time. As we grow up and mature, our reality tends to change, and our beliefs expand. We develop personal values based on our own experiences.
As a kid, my truth was my parents, teachers, and professors’ fact, and I followed them for a long time. Growing up, I started to understand the importance of developing my own, but I only very recently realized that there is more than one.
Depending on where we are, where we come from, our experience, and our education, diversity, and culture make the truth vary from one person to another.
Accepting differences is part of being aware of the other angle you can look at a situation. It is being aware of the fact that there is no right or wrong, but an interpretation considered as truth or fraud by the person who owns it.
Acceptance and resilience can be difficult, especially when you are an expert in a field and someone disagrees with you. Many conflicts emerge from a similar situation, either in a family or work environment.
How to live aligned with your values making your point, and not let go of your truth. It is part of the Coach’s responsibility. He uses some essential skills to guide the client in the process, such as releasing judgment, creating awareness, acknowledging self-esteem, honesty, and credibility.
It would be best if you did not compromise with truth; however, it is easier to say than to act on it.
Truth can be compromised by pleasing others, avoiding hurting feelings, and saying NO to friends and family.
Sometimes, one does not want to be pointed out in some situations, such as social events.
Can you compromise with your truth without having the complete feeling of being a fraud? And if you compromise once, where is the border of more compromise? Should you consider flexibility in truth?
Are some values more important than others that will not allow any compromise? How do you choose them among all?
Are value and truth the same? So many questions to think about.
You can only fully live your truth if you do not worry about others’ judgment or vision. You are aware that you cannot fit everywhere and consequently avoid some ppl or/and situations.
You deal with ppl that do not agree with your truth by acknowledging and accepting theirs. Learn to: agree to disagree.
You cannot be forcing your truth on others, as it would be judging and lead to conflicts.
In opposition to truth is fraud.
What makes your client feel like a fraud, and what are the characteristics of this kind of behavior?
Being a fraud can come from different things, which can be a lack of confidence in personal life or work-related environment. the feeling of not being good enough, lack of expertise or experience can make someone feel like a fraud.
If your client believes that he does not deserve his position or cannot fulfill his job and duty, you can use the Byron Katie method and ask him:
is it TRUE?
Is it REALLY true?
Then explore further what gives him the impression he does not reach the expectations.
After all, if he has the job, it is because someone trusted him at some point. Is it only a perception that he has, based on low self-esteem? Why isn’t he able to see it for himself. What is the underlying belief behind it?
Where is the correlation between fraud and self-trust?
Being a fraud can also come from the fact that sometimes you do not apply the values and truth you would like to live for.
Because standing for your beliefs and truth is not always easy, and even pretty hard. It demands courage and discipline. It is part of building trust and developing a relationship.
Do you know the story of Peter and the wolf?
You might be involved in a compromise game where nobody can trust you anymore; then, you cannot press the reset button, and you need to be prepared to assume the consequences.
When the truth has the power to set you free, fraud is a spiral challenging to exit.
The choice of living your truth is an easier decision at the beginning of any relationship or situation, rather than trying to align with it when you realize that you act as a fraud.
As Steven Covey would explain, I would compare living in truth with a win-win situation or negotiation.
If you notice that a situation is not beneficial for both parties, It is easier to say no initially and not start a deal. Suppose you understand that it will be a win-lose or a lose-win negotiation, exit without starting and being honest with each other rather than creating it and taking months or years of prejudice to get out or go back to a win-win situation.
It might be challenging to decide, but it will always be less complicated in a long-term period rather than compromising and accepting the fraud.
By asking your client if what they are living now is serving them, you can support them in coming to their senses of truth.
Note if their say and their acts are aligned with their ideas. I like the example of the executive who wants to be more present for his family but spends all his weekends at the office because he gets a bigger paycheck by working more. But the money is not what brings joy to his family.
By bringing awareness to the situation, the client will realize that it is not the right path to reach the goal.
As there is so much truth, as Coaches, we need to ensure that we come to a session with an empty bowl, leaving our reality outside.
The Coach does not want to lead or give his opinion to the client to make it’s own. The session is about the client and not about ourselves. Our experience is not essential and has nothing to do with the moment.
Release judgment and listen to the fact. Do not coach the story.
Be present for your client.
Listen actively and be supportive. Be curious but do not lead.
The Coach supports the client no matter what. Their truth is the only one that matters.
However, if you feel that you cannot support your client because of denial or entirely out of your values and beliefs, you should step out and end the relationship. Remember that it is essential to explain clearly the reason for your decision to the client.