Releasing judgment is something we learn in Coaching, and it is not an easy task to perform. We can sometimes experience a guilt-based «emotional hijacking.» Therefore, we need to learn how to respond and deal with a lot of feelings and emotions.
I experience «emotional hijacking» too often when someone judges my team, even if I have not done the work myself. I feel judged and not able to separate my work from myself. I feel hurt and immediately react in justifying. I can sometimes become aggressive. I lose trust in the person making the judgment, being alert every time I see this person coming close to my work. I will even hold grunge for a while, depending on how hurt I felt. I feel that my whole working system is under review. Things can take surreal proportions in my head. And then I carry it for far too long, usually, until I discuss it with a trusty person who helps me see the judgment through a different perspective. I feel attacked when judged on a point where I am the expert. When someone is challenging my knowledge, even though it should not threaten me, the person is only judging his values and not in a professional critiquing way. It is interesting to analyze and see how the emotional part of your brain is triggered. I become this «other» ME, the one I do not like, and I have difficulty controlling because of my emotions. What can make me give up this reaction? By building up my self-esteem and self-confidence, I can shift my perspective and then apply the «Responding Vs. Reacting» tool. Reforming the judgment in the statement, pausing for a few seconds, and taking time to listen, hear, and process the message.
Then clearly think and ask myself: Do I agree with the statement?
And process the answer.
If I disagree, then:
- Should I respond to it?
- How important is it for me to respond at this time?
- What language should I adopt to demonstrate acknowledgment without involving emotions?
- What can I learn from the statement?
If I do agree with the statement:
- What should my reaction be?
- How do I acknowledge the person I am aware of and act on it in a way that does not involve emotions?
- How can I fix the situation to avoid it next time?
- How do I communicate the feedback to my team in a constructive way?
- What can I learn from it?
You should not consider Judgment as Negative if only you can shift your perspective. When thinking of the judgments I make on others, I believe that it is on behavior and decision-taking mainly. I sometimes feel that I am forcing my help and then my perspective and opinion into some situation. It means that I am judging the action and do not handle it the right way. I judge by giving my opinion when nobody asks for it. I believe that judgment is not always coming from a negative state of mind but can come from someone who wants to help and who want to see good coming out of some situation, believing that their opinion is the best to adopt. These persons might be looking for acknowledgment and recognition.
